Why did I not think of that sooner!

Email, texts, Facebook PAH!
Being in constant contact with the world is sometimes just too much! This is coming from a techy geek, who loves gadgets and covets her iphone!

It becomes more of a stress when you start dating. Too many points of failure! You give him your number and from then on when your phone goes your disappointed that its not him texting! Then when you get one, you want to text back right away, but don’t as it seems too keen! Im now going to go with, if you have the time then Just text back! There should be no games. I don’t play games with my friends, I text back when I can whether it’s right away or in two hours, they don’t mind so why should a new bloke?

Then we get onto email communication, again hoping that he has replied to that email you sent him days ago! Pressing the F5 key repeatedly will not make a mail magically appear.

I dont do twitter! Thank God. I do have facebook, but learned early on in the dating world to not add them. I sometimes search for them and have a wee nosey if they have not locked it down (facebook stalking). The stress of all the bleeps bips, pings and bop noises my i-phone emits when I have received some sort of message, can either lead to a smile on my face a flutter in my tummy cause HE has sent a message, or lead to me going OH….its not him. Which is depressing, I need to not fixate on it.

Preening!
One aspect that can be great when single is you can go several days or weeks and not bother shaving! I can be a Yeti if I feel like it, you can fart and burp again! We all do it, but not in the company of potential new partners….. even though a few months down the line we will both be partaking in a smelly fart situation! and having a good giggle about it! and saying Good Arse (well you would if you were Jim Royle, or my dad)

I just might have gone a bit Lunar……… lost the plot a wee bit.  Only on the inside and with my friends, not actually with him!  I’m not a bunny boiler type (just yet)

I was lying on my sofa the other night watching something crap on the tv, eating rubbish and feeling a tad sorry for myself, a bit hormonal if I’m honest.  My phone was at the other end of the room, and it had binged a few times to alert me to email, but I could not be bothered to walk the four steps to see what it was, most likely junk mail.  I decided to log onto my laptop to check the emails and facebook, and msn…………….  OH MY GOD!  Come back to that bit later.

As the laptop boots up, I make Tea and get some chocolate, hormonal after all and need something sweet.  I log into MSN and my good friend is online so I start chatting, he asks if I had heard from him.  Nope nothing, then I checked my emails and there was no junk mail, just a mail from him.  This actually made me lose my breath, I was not expecting to hear from him again as is the norm, but now I am realising he is not the norm, he is the exception!

I am not posting all of what he said, but it did make me cry (hormonal) he is a decent guy, just not going to be MY decent guy.  The email was heartfelt and honest and explained everything.  I was right in the sense that he was backing off, but not in the bit that “he was not that into me”.  He was!!  So I retract that statement………

Firstly the small time we spent together I enjoyed very much as you are good company very down to earth and I find you attractive, you make me feel very much at ease and accepted me for who I am and not someone you wanted me to be so for that thank you!

I do accept people for who they are, I just wanted him to be himself and comfortable, I suppose I achieved that in the small amount of time we spent together.

your an ace girl and you should have someone who will put you first in their life and set a foundation to build from, I am thankful for meeting you and I am sure we shall bump into each other Take care for now  xxx

For all the twats I have dated this email has helped me quash all of those doubts that started to niggle in my brain.  The single common denominator in the relationships  were ME.  So with that I started to blame me, doubt myself.  Maybe I am not worthy to be in a relationship with a decent guy, or not gorgeous enough.  Every self doubt I have ever felt over the years came to the forefront of my mind and I started to feel down and really started doubt my own self-worth.  It’s very hard for me to actually admit this, never mind put it down on paper.  You see I am this bubbly, outgoing person.  A good friend once said I was a Fierce Scottish Lassie!  I set my mind on something and I get it, whether its work, house, man or even a pair of shoes.  I have the determination, but with all of that, you can only take so many knockbacks in your personal life for it to start to take its toll.

His email helped a great deal in making me realise that I am an “ACE” girl; I am worth getting to know and having someone that puts me first.  I am glad I met him, and if we bump into each other again then I great, I will see where that takes me.  For now, I won’t be online dating, or speed dating, Christmas party season is upon us, I might actually meet someone whilst partying, or out and about, in Tesco’s…….. or Costa, or even in a pub.  you just never know!

I have learned a lot from this brief encounter, and I will take this onto a new relationship. 

This is bit of my email reply to him:

“I wasn’t looking for a full on relationship, I was looking for someone that I could trust, that I can spend elements of my time with, whether it was a day a week or a fortnight.  You know how you used to date, back in the day, when we never had Facebook, emails, texting etc all there was, was a landline.  You seen each other once a week and built on it, there was an excitement attached to that next date.  Not the texts in between, as they didn’t exist…..  I want that!  I want the promise of something worth happening.  Whether that is with you or someone else I won’t know until it happens.”

Are you putting off partners without knowing it?
Habits, traits and behaviours that could be repelling potential matches and hampering your chances of finding love.

Revealing your romantic agenda too early
Seeming overly eager to pin down the ins and outs of the relationship after only a couple of dates, can be especially off-putting – particularly for men who generally prefer to take things slower. You may be in a rush to fall in love, settle down and have babies, but having the “Where is this going?” talk before you’ve had a proper chance to get to know each other is foolhardy and practically guaranteed to scare off any potential mates. Be prepared to give it some time before broaching this delicate subject.

Being stingy
It’s never prudent to live beyond your means and go on dates to clubs, bars, restaurants and other venues you can’t afford but picking the cheapest place and then producing a 2 for 1 voucher deal (especially on a first date) is a definite no-no.  Sure you might save a tenner but it’ll cost you in the long run. Do you really want your date to think you’re a cheap skate? The man is usually expected to pick up the bill, but that doesn’t mean that ladies shouldn’t at least offer to pay or go halves. Avoid being seen as someone who never puts their hand in their pocket to pay for anything. Never let your date to feel as though they’re being taken advantage of financially.

Seeming too independent
Now here’s a funny one. Have you ever considered that you might seem so damn together that you’re way too intimidating to approach? Prospective partners could be feeling challenged by your all-round success and fabulousness. If you earn your own money, have your own place, drive your own car and live what seems a very full life they probably can’t see how or where they’d fit into your life. So it’s up to you to show them that you still have room for a fulfilling and lasting relationship too. That means letting them see your vulnerable side from time to time.

Bad body language
If you’re guilty of not making eye contact, hunching your shoulders and having your head bowed, you’re giving off all the wrong signals to a prospective mate. Your body language is literally screaming “I’m shy, nervous and awkward and really don’t’ want to be here.” Even if that’s how you’re feeling on the inside, it’s possible to trick yourself in to behaving and feeling more confident. First up smile and make eye contact. Secondly, draw those shoulders back and lift your chin. See, you look more confident already. Remember to breathe.

Always being late
Nobody is going to mind too much if you’re a few minutes late once in a while because of a missed bus or other unavoidable mishap, but recurrent lateness is likely to annoy your anyone you’ve been seeing for a while. Not being able to get it together to just be somewhere on time reveals a host of negative qualities that most people would prefer to avoid. Firstly it shows a lack of organisational skills and secondly it shows a lack of regard for the person whose time it is you’re wasting. So either buy a watch and get it together or risk letting Mr/Miss Perfect slip through your fingers. The choice is yours.

Not listening
You may have a lot to say and be keen to talk about yourself as much as possible in order to convey everything there is to know about you in as much detail as possible as soon as possible. But remember it’s important to ask questions and listen too. Not many people enjoy one-sided conversations where they’re forced to just sit and listen to another person bang on and on and on and on and on. If you want the relationship to work, take a break from all the “me me me” anecdotes and allow your date to tell you about themselves too. You might learn something.

Morning, Did you have a good night? I was at my parents for dinner, met my brothers new girl friend, then went to see my friend.  ;) xxx

I dont hear a thing from him until the afternoon, this is when I know its not good.  I think I have a sixth sense with this.

Hey, belated good morning lol! Yeah all is well working local today so got a bit of a longer lie i got tickets to irish comedian in town, so i don’t think we can see each other then? When else u free xxx

I reply back

Is the wedding this Sat?  So you will be out most of the day/night for that?
I really would like to see you? xx

Now the text is HIM asking when I am free.  This is what he sends back:

Yeah me too but i am not training just now but when i get back to class i am gonna have even less free time i have to be honest if your looking to build a relationship with someone i may not be the ideal guy? My free time is rarely consistent and its not fair to mess anyone around! Xxx

See that sixth sense is always there, I sensed that it was coming, I feel better now that it has been said.

Thanks for your honesty! not looking for marriage by the way Lol  

I will be honest too, I like you, thought we had fun the few times we spent together.  I’m a busy lady as well, and will be even more so leading up to Christmas.

It just all comes down to this! You either you want something or you don’t, if you do then you make the time for it.  Life is too short to be miserable xxx

So as someone said today, it looks like I have been “parked” the term is when a guy likes you, but not sure if he is THAT into you.  So they “park” you for a wee while, and if nothing better comes along then they will resume……  I think NOT.  He can go and get a ticket and park elsewhere.  I am worth so much more than that.  Well I think so!

This dating game is soul-destroying!  Getting to the point, I don’t know who is decent and who is not.  For the record I in noway think he was a player or in any of the other categories the other wastes of spaces are put in.  I think he is decent, he was just……….

NOT THAT INTO ME

Any Good, What does “legendary” do for you ???

Said something like going “weak at the knees” cheesy I know, but now I really need a back massage and a free one would be great We chat on and off all week between texting and MSN, I don’t get a great signal on my mobile so phoning is not great.  Another bit of flirting on the Saturday, he asked what I did on Friday night and I had a long soak in the bath, with candles and a glass of Vino.

Is your bath big enough for two What are you doing today?

I said that I could squeeze him in and told him what I was doing on that day (saturday). I text him later on the Saturday to let him know I had organised a sitter for the Sunday (our next date) I never got a reply from him I tried phoning no reply, so I went to bed, still no message in the morning.   Until I send a message.  Bbbbrrrr ffffrreezing! Morning! How’s you?  Xxx

“Morning!! Just en route to the far east now an yeah its nippy on the nipples this fine crisp sunday sorry missed your call last nite I was out for count!! It was my sister’s wedding anniversary yesterday so I am going to see them tonight can we take rain check? Sorry for hassle xxx”

I’m trying to be cool and normal, but after being messed about with so many guys I no longer know whats normal  I replied with the following!

“Hey, don’t freeze your nipples off too much! Lol Have a good night tonight, just let me know when your free? Don’t work too hard xxx”

He replied

Sure thing, but why men have nipples is beyond me lol!!! Sorry about tonight and see you again soon xxx

I could have replied back with something I found on google as to why men do have nipples, OR something funny, but I choose to not send a message.  I don’t hear a thing from him for the whole of Sunday, I start to get annoyed and ping my closest friends left right and centre.  All have great advice, but deep down in my gut I know he is backing off, he is NOT THAT IN TO ME!  I fret so much, I don’t feel well, so switch the god damn phone off and go to bed!

It wasn’t a late night! It was however a really good one!  I was really nervous until I seen him.  He arrived and I got a hug and a kiss!! Great start, he did promise kisses at the start, he delivered!

Dinner in the oven, we sit in the kitchen and chat about nothing, anything and everything! Tells me about his day and I do the same.  I feel so relaxed with him, I dont have to be anything but myself, which is great, I relax!

Dinner hoovered, (was starvin) and cuppa made we retire to the lounge (he he he) I dont bother with plates, just the whole biscuit tin.  As he forgot the DVD, we search the TV for something to watch, land on Top Gear, its always good for a laugh, and it doesn’t fail! Similar sense of humor, he is so comfy to be around, holding hands and chatting, odd wee kiss here and there.

Not that I divulge what happens between me and any man, I will say we did not sleep together, we did get very comfortable on my sofa, no pressure, nothing, we are both reading from the same page.

He left and I was on a high, walked a few doors up to my best friends house, and went in there skipping.  I was only there 5 mins and I got a text message.

Hey, home now and just about to climb into bed, thank you for a lovely chilled night see you again soon xxx

I went to bed with a smile on my face, and seeing him again at the weekend.  Have my numbers came up, have I won a watch as they say.  I dont know.  All I know is I have kissed way too many frogs for my liking, and he is not one of them.

I have mentioned height thing before, and this time its not an issue, he also said he cant cook much, but im not bothered.  Strange that!  Reasons that I stopped other guys even from dating me, or dumping them shows that it was only an excuse and when you meet someone that fits even for a small period of time, you realise that nothing matters if its RIGHT!

I dont know how long I will see him, or if it even lasts that long.  I hope it does.  He is the first guy in a long time, that I just feel like I have come home.

If it doesn’t last, I will say this, he has given me that small glimmer of hope that there are normal guys out there to be found.  They are very slim on the dating sites, and it was by chance that I had a RANT and he seen that and was so disgusted by the male species he had the urge to contact me.

Have I found my prince?  I dont know, but I am going to have lots of fun finding out

Not to panic though he had to work the whole weekend, but we have been in touch with texts and msn chat.  Date number three has been arranged for tomorrow.  This is how different this guy is, I asked him what we could do, and everytime I have asked this, I have got the reply “Whatever suits you, Im easy!”  Not him!  He actually makes me smile, he has an evening planned

I think there should be several more kisses to make up for lost time! xxx

It doesn’t end there, I don’t get lots of messages from him, which again is different, normally bombarded with about a million text messages when the dating commences, he is not like that, he is more quality than quantity!

just passing your roundabout, toot too, a wee wave and a kiss! xxx

Here’s another thing, he has left the dating site.  It was a shock to say the least, I went on to just have a sneaky look at his picture.  He was not there, so I had to logon to the dating site, and next to the messages he had sent me.  ”this user has terminated their account”

WOW!

Its a good thing, so I keep getting told, just kind of caught me off guard, so I removed mine! I was thinking about doing it anyway, if this didn’t/doesn’t work out then my next thing was speed dating!  Mr Taekwando, might just have saved me from another mental chapter in my Singleton life!

Just one other thing, he has told his mum he is dating me, more than I can say.  I wait until I’m several weeks in, so she has been told twice about guys I have dated!  Too many questions to field, I think ignorance is bliss……..  I have a feeling she will be getting told about this one.  Fingers and Toes all crossed…….  If not then I am blabbering on and making a right ole fool of myself…….  Deep in the pit of my stomach something tells me its going to be all ok.

Got to trust your gut!

Or if not, then look like a fool.  Im going with the gut, deal with being a fool later………

He is an absolute gent and opens the doors to the restaurant, we wait to be seated and we are just chatting and joking, the evening flows easily and he is so easy to get on with. Couple of hours later we are leaving, its went so fast, not wanting the date to be over he comes back to mine for a cuppa, he is a tea person just like me….. I chuck in a few biscuits just because he is so nice , before we know it, its nearly midnight and we have been chatting all that time, no tv on, no music playing just getting to know each other.  He kisses me several times, (mmmmm good kisser) and leaves before he turns into a pumpkin!  I get a text message just as Im heading to bed:

You are really good company I think your a fab kisser and look forward to kissing you lots on Sunday Lets not wait until hometime to kiss xxxx

I was dancing about the place after that, he is a normal guy, he likes me!  The feeling is mutual!  I go to bed a very happy lady with a cheeky smile on my face.  Have I actually met someone who is normal??  Is it possible.  My close friend said to me, we have got to get lucky at some point, that its a numbers game, has mine finally came up?  I do feel lucky.

Started off with a lovely text message from my tae-kwan-do master…… Saying he was having a very productive day, and that he had a hot date planned that night….. that would be me the “hot date”. Not sure what goes on inside my head with date number two, I get more nervous at the prospect of the date than the first one.

First date is just the intro, will I like him, will he like me? Second date in my head is just to confirm this, make sure we are reading from the same page. If I really like him, then I get more nervous. So I must really like him….. What if he doesn’t really like me? Then I have to be all disappointed again, glass half full can only last for so long until its half empty!

I was actually fine, until someone asked me what I was wearing, (you know who you are) I hadn’t actually given this much thought to be honest, was just going to wing it! Now 3 hours later my stomach is churning and I have a panic look in my eyes, what am I going to wear? I really am panicking for no good reason, well I do know why, I like him, first guy that I’m not just lusting after, I actually like him.

I need to calm down, and get my Chi back………

Chi restored, had an epiphany of what I’m going to wear!

Thanks to my friends for being there for me today in my scattiest moment yet! All over a wardrobe decision, when did I become girly and care about such frivolity?

I will be myself, because I am someone that he should get to know… People keep telling me it, now I have to believe it

You can build up an amazing rapport with the pc chat, and its all laughs and giggles and stimulating conversaion but when you actually meet, it’s so disappointing, they are nothing like the person you had created in your head.  Sometimes your own imagination is your own downfall. I think I have too much of a vivid imagination, and need to expect less from my dates, then I wont be disappointed.

Anyway, I have had NO time whatsoever to build up any expectations from this guy, not even 24hrs of speaking to him and I’m heading to meet him on a date.

We arrange to meet near his flat,  I do just this, text when I arrive at 8pm and he comes and meets me.  He is lovely, even brought a brolly so we don’t get wet!

We walk the five minutes to the pub and chat all the way, he is just as chatty as me…..  no he is…….. it is possible you know!  Arrive at the bar and there are seats!  woo hoo, I grab a couple and he gets the drinks in.  We chat easily, and do some people watching.  There are some really strange folk about, and some peoples idea of dressing or hmmm Not dressing, leaves little to the imagination, not just the ladies, the men too.  I just have to mention this, there is a lovely lassy all dressed up, hair, eyelashes, fake tan…………. but someone never done her back.  Low cut back in her top and she is white as a sheet……..  NOT A GOOD LOOK……

Anyway……… back to the man im on a date with.  He is a Tae kwan do Master, he is fit, very fit, has the most gorgeous blue eyes.  He actually does seem genuinely nice!  He has a good job, no baggage, which is rare when you hit your thirtys.  We chat, we laugh, we get on so well, before I know it, its nearly midnight.  We walk back to my car.  He says, I was thinking earlier if I want to invite her up for a cup of tea, then I took a quick look around my flat and went…….  Nope wont be happening tonight, this place is a tip!  when he said tea, he meant tea. 

As we were standing there babbling about nothing, and trying to say goodnight, I felt like the awkward teenager that is hidden in everyone.  Will he kiss me? What if he doesnt kiss me?

He did kiss me, it was lovely, nothing out of a romance  novel, or a romantic love story, but I felt happy.  I got in the car, put the window down, and he leaned in for another wee kiss

Not even home and I get a text message!

I had a really nice relaxed time with you tonight, and look forward to seeing you again xx ps you kiss very nice too! 

 Ditto!  Date arranged for Wednesday